Well today’s the day. The day that I mailed out my visa application. The day that I’ve been waiting for for a couple of months now. The day that puts it all in motion. The day that marks the beginning of a whole new chapter in my life. The day that the real waiting begins.
I’ve been so excited for this day to come, but now that it’s here I don’t really know how I feel about it. Thinking about mailing my application was one thing, but actually sending it off is something totally different. I felt totally calm and at peace about the whole thing when I had all of my documents and letters in my hands, but now that they’re out somewhere in an envelope travelling to Toronto I feel anything but calm. So many questions are running through my mind and my stomach feels like it’s twisted into a thousand knots.
Did I send everything I needed?
What if I filled something out wrong?
How long do I have to wait to get the visa?
What if it gets lost in the mail?
What happens if they reject my application?
Are you sure you remembered everything?
Like 115% sure that you put it all in that envelope?
So while I’m excited that I am finally able to send it all away, I’m mostly nervous (and maybe a little terrified) that I will have done something wrong on the application form. Or what if they just don’t accept me? I worked so hard up to this point, what if it doesn’t work out? Everything for those 5 months in Germany hinges on me being able to get this visa, and if I don’t get it I don’t know what I’ll do.
In all of the nervousness and chaos that’s currently wrecking havoc in my mind (and my stomach) there’s a small part of me that’s telling me to just trust God and His plan for it all. However there’s a loud voice that yells at me “JUST TRUST?!?! How on earth am I supposed to do that?! This is too big of a thing to leave up to “trust”!” But that’s the thing about trust I suppose, that you do in fact leave these big important things up to the will of God, trusting that he has it all under control. It’s a completely counter-intuitive thing to do, but it’s the very thing that we’re called to do as Christians. To leave our big, important, earth shattering things all in the hands of the creator and author of our lives. Never really knowing how they’ll all turn out, but knowing in our hearts that what God has in store for us will be greater than anything we could imagine.
So while I signed, sealed, and delivered my visa application to the German Consulate in Toronto today; I also have to sign, seal, and deliver all of my hopes and fears, dreams and realities over to God. Knowing (and trusting) that he’ll do amazing things with them. Getting my visa is just one step in my journey to live in Germany, but trusting God with everything is the first and most important step in the journey of my life.